On Being Independent

Smiths song of the week: Panic

I've been trying to figure out the whole being independent idea and its relation to dressing independent. Because I have this desire to dress drastically independent to prove that I'm independent and not a follower, but at the same time, I fear that trying too hard to be independent only leads to being a follower because everyone is trying to show their independence through their clothes. I feel that I should dress to be comfortable and not care if everyone else is doing it or not and demonstrate my independence through other means. Anyways, I have gone through these phases of wanting to dress outrageous, but never actually getting around to it.

This has been going on since eighth grade when my friend loaned me his NoFX cd. I really wanted light blue hair. But, I never got around to doing it (which is probably a good thing). This punk hardcore stage lasted through freshman year of highschool. I conformed to the anticomformist styles. Then, about midway through the year I gave up on being an 'individual' and shopped exclusively at the Gap and Banana and American Eagle for the rest of high school. Thus begins my cycle of clothing choices.

Then this year the cycle took another turn and I got back into the whole 'I'm an individual' schtick. Before I got out here I wanted to dress like a climber and just wear clothes from climbing companies. Then, after watching A Hard Day's Night, I wanted to dress mod. I was going to get some beatle boots, wear suits and skinny ties and leave my hair get long. I only got to the relatively long hair in the Beatles' style, but was too lazy to spend money on Beatle boots. So while I thought it would be particularly ironic to wear the object of sixties' conformity as a mark of independence, I just never got motivated about it enough to actually do it. So then I just followed the punk-jock style(yeah, that's my own term and no, i'm not a jock at all). Kind of sad really, but I feel comfortable with the flipped up collar and skate shoes.

Recently I've been listening to a lot of 'Ugly People Rock'. More on what that is later. I keep being tempted to buy tight jeans, converse (or I guess the new thing is checkerboard slipons), and Member's Only jackets, but I really like my Etnies way too much. And Etnies really don't go with the ugly style. My other problem with that style is that if you go to a Strokes cover band show- Everyone is dressed exactly the same. So much for being an independent thinker. Which brings me back to my original point. If I'm trying to be different than the materialist fashion minded people by focusing on fashion(albeit one different than theirs), have I really shown my independence or am I merely playing their game? Thusly concluded, I came to the conclusion that I have no idea what I'm talking about. I still don't know what to wear ever and if I should even care. If wearing the costume of a punk or an individual really makes me an individual or if I need props or if I should write my own scripts or if I just follow the scripts willfuly then will I be really showing my independence. I meet too many people who think they are individuals but they are just like everyone else in the way that they think.